From magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu Subject: Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius, Chapter 8 Date: 10 Apr 1994 07:19:31 GMT Message-ID: <2o89a3$h2i@agate.berkeley.edu>[When last we saw the Enemy of our Hero, Knowledgius Objectivus, Vile Atheist God, was recruiting into its/her/his Unholy Fold a sweet, innocent bystander by the name of Tim Lehnerer. We return to find Knowledgius explaining her/its/his plan to Tim.]
Tim: |
Sounds good. I've always wanted to be a Nameless Red Shirt. By the way, can you tell me who (or what) you are? |
Tim: | That's strange. You see, I'm an atheist but I have never heard of anything like an Atheist God. It seems to me that the word 'atheism' implies that there is no belief in God. Am I wrong? |
Tim: | So, where can I get a Namless Red Shirt uniform for my undercover work? |
Tim: | So, which way to the Pube Fort? |
Tim: | I am the new Nameless Red Shirt security agent hired by the Mighty Red Iguana, He Who Hears His DNA Talking to Him, And He Who Wears the Mighty Red Iguana Suit, He Who Eats the Paradox Sandwich, so that I may protect the Pube Fort from attack. |
Tim: | Hello? Mr. Ferret? Aren't you goint to present me to your Fearless Leader The Mighty Red Iguana? |
Tim: | Could you call me Tim instead of Nameless Red Shirt? I know it is the official title of the job, but it's such a mouthfull. |
Tim: | No, not really. Why? |
Tim: | Well, not really. I know I am supposed to help protect the Pube Fort from an attack by the Atheist (hack, hack, coff) but why are they attacking? |
Ferret Boy: You aren't going to tell him their side of the story first, are you, Mighty Iguana? We want him on our side! Here, let me. [Publius shrugs and signals his 'Faithfull' Companion to proceed] You see, the Atheist (hack, hack, coff, coff), who are members of the Worlwide Atheist Conspiracy To Spread the Disease of Atheism Across the Globe, or WACSDAAG as we like to call them here in the Pube Fort, are trying to attack the Mighty Publius because he tricked them into destroying their own God, Knowledgius Objectivus.In article <2ncg4f$sgh@inca.gate.net>, Publius <publius@inca.gate.net> wrote: > > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > According to the Atheists
Tim: | But, Knowledgius isn't destroyed! |
Ferret Boy: [brightly] Exactly! [To Tim] And do you know, Tim, what Heathen Lies they are spreading?> - and they themselves are > proof this is so
Tim: | No. Let me guess. "There is no God" is probably one of them. |
Tim: | Well, it's rather obvious, isn't it? After all, that is what 'Atheism' is supposed to mean. You two know it is not so, right? |
Tim: | So, any other great insights into the beliefs of the Atheists from WACSDAAG you can share with me? |
[The Mighty Iguana laughs at the sillyness of the belief of the WACSDAAG Atheists.]> - Man, 'Homo Sapiens' is just a > fancy computer, produced (as they say) by the random > interaction of lifeless atoms.
Ferret Boy: [confused] What? The Arch-Atheist said he was coming to get you! How can it be a miracle?> This is a miracle > in itself.
Tim: | [putting his left palm facing upward under his mouth
to prevent more sarcasm from splashing the carpet] He probably defines a miracle any which way he wants and to fit with whatever situation he might be facing at the moment. |
Tim: | Nothing in particular. Not that you two would recognize a point if it stood in front of you and stripped naked, painted itself purple and danced on top of a piano singing 'Happy point is here again'. |
> Genesis One in the Bible confirms this
Tim: | [eyeing the Iguana suspiciously] Are you sure about that? I don't remember any mention of an Iguana being incapable of doing mistakes in Genesis I. Can I get a full quote for that? |
> - other than > to say it was an 'Act of God' rather than the result > random chance.
Tim: | Huh? That doesn't say you are infallible! |
Tim: | Let me guess. Another of his wonderful quotes, right? |
Ferret Boy: Sorry, O Mighty Iguana! I promise to study my Bible more from now on! But please, continue with your words of wisdom!> Genesis One says Man was 'made' by God in His image
Tim: | [cupping his hand under his mouth again] Oh yes, Purple Lizard of Smallness! Tell us more that we may enrich our lives with your wisdom! |
Tim: | <snicker> |
Stacy: Not the Earth! We will subdue ->you<-! You are really a waste of space, Lizard, and my rule is to dispose of waste! Do you understand? Come out now, or face the consequences!> - to the extent that Man was 'made' with an Intellect, > that is, the ability to "subdue the Earth".
Dan: Not that drivel again! How many times are you going to repeat yourself? Don't you have anything new to tell us?> Or, > as the Atheist Religion puts it, the ability to > understand the workings of the Laws of Physics and > Chemistry
Dan: Yeah, I thought so.> .
> There is nothing in Genesis One that says that God > made any demands on Man of a Spiritual Nature.
Tim: | And the Bible is of course always right, I guess. Tell me, do you ever make any sense? |
> Natural Man just didn't have the Faculty to fulfill > any such obligation.
Tim: | Yeah, I thought so. |
Ferret Boy: [really getting into the Iguana Lecture] Yes! Yes! Eight Day of Creation! And tell us, mighty Defender of Madison, why did no one know about the Eight Day of Creation until You came along?> It was not until the 'Eighth Day of Creation' that > Spiritual Man - the Children of God - appeared on > Earth.
Tim: | I guess you've heard this before, haven't you? |
> This event passed unnoticed by Bible > Experts. Still it is there in Black and White.
Tim: | Oh, you must be ->really<- smart then! Imagine, for a thousand years this goes unnoticed by the great theologians, and you discovered it all by yourself! |
Ferret Boy: [whispering to Tim] I still haven't figured this part out yet, but I'm sure it will all make sense when I do.> It was the Children of God who had certain obligations > of a Spiritual Nature - and certain obligations > to the Earth during their tenure here.
> > I think this deserves a whole new Thread. - > I'll work on it. > PUBLIUS > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >
Tim: | Does he go into lecture mode often? I'm beginning to think it wasn't such a good idea to come here. |
====================================================================== "It's not denial. I'm just very selective about what I accept as reality." --- Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes") ====================================================================== Arturo Magidin magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu magidin@math.berkeley.edu
Tim: | OK, less hard work for me. When do we get to the wanton destruction part? |
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