Red Iguana Noon: Wrath of Knowledgius
Chapter 9: The Great Tide of Evolution.
From magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu
Subject: Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius Chapter 9
Date: 14 Apr 1994 05:58:47 GMT
Message-ID: <2oim2n$g67@agate.berkeley.edu>
[When last we saw our hero and his Not-Quite-Loyal
sidekick, Ferret Boy, Ferret Boy was trying to bargain
with the forces of WACSDAAG (Worldwide Atheist Conspiracy
to Spread the Disease of Atheism Across the Globe)
that Arch-Atheist Stacy Prowell led to place a siege
on the Pube Fort.]
Stacy Prowell: Look, I want the Iguana's hide, and I want it now.
If it makes it any easier, imagine Stryder here has an Uzi pointed
at your window.
Ferret Boy: But... But he ->has<- an Uzi, and it ->is<- pointed
at my window!
Stryder: Then it shouldn't tax your imagination too much!
Ferret Boy: Listen, I'll be back. This sort of decisions
are really beyond me. I have to consult with the Mighty
Wearer of The Red Iguana Suit.
Stacy: Fine, but don't think I'll wait here for too long.
[Ferret Boy runs back into the office of Publius, Poster
of Few Replies, The No-Quoter, Red Iguana. In the office
is Tim "Nameless Red Shirt" Lehnerer, an envoy of the
Vile Atheist God Knowledgius Objectivus, who is trying
to take revenge on Publius for making his/her/its
atheists minions throw a FAQ at him and send him to a
Half-Way House for Things Conceived But That Never Existed.]
Ferret Boy: O Iguana of Redness! The Atheists are demanding
to see you!
Tim: |
What's the matter? What did
the Wise Iguana do to them?
|
[A drop of sarcasm falls from the word 'Wise' and makes another
nasty stain on the carpet in Publius' office. Our Hero and
His Sidekick don't notice.]
Ferret Boy: Oh, I think he called the Arch-Atheist 'stupid'
or something like that.
[Publius nods, and goes to the microphone that allows him
to preac... ehr, speak to the WACSDAAG forces waiting outside.]
In article <2nkmfk$isf@inca.gate.net>, Publius <publius@inca.gate.net> wrote:
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> The Atheists pride themselves on being expert
> logicians.
Dan Johnson: It's the Iguana!
WACSDAAG Forces: [in chorus] It's the Iguana! It's the Iguana!
Dan Johnson: Come out now and meet your doom in the hands of
the Autonomous "We Think for Ourselves" Men of The Isle of Logis!
WACSDAAG Forces: [blankly, in chorus] Come out now and meet your
doom! Come out now and meet your doom!
Dan: Face thousands of individuals as they tear apart your arguments!
Come out and let us see you face to face, Red Iguana!
WACSDAAG Forces: We're all individuals! Come out and face us!
We're all individuals! We're all individuals!
Arturo Magidin: Ehr, I'm not!
WACSDAAG Forces: Shhhh!
Stacy: Enough set-up for a lousy Monty Python joke. Red Iguana.
Do you know why we are here?
> So I am surprised they haven't come up
> with the obvious reason - Atheist reason - for why
> they are here:
Stacy: No, you idiot, ->we<- know why we are here! We are here
because we think for ourselves, and we have all decided that
->I<- want your hide for calling me stupid!
> Logically,
Dan: Well, of course logically. If you knew what you were getting
into when you called Stacy that, you wouldn't have dared.
[Ferret Boy has been listening to the exchange and gives a worried
look to his Great Hero]
Ferret Boy: O Iguana of Life Oriented Religions! What can we
do? Do you have a plan?
> developing on the Darwinian concept of
> Evolution,
Tim: |
I doubt the Atheists out there will give you
time to evolve into some thing that can come
up with a plan. Evolution takes a while, you
know...
|
Ferret Boy: Tim is right, Red Iguana! What do you think
the atheists (hack, hack, coff, coff) will do while we
come up with a defense?
> they have to conclude that in due course
> Man will be succeeded by a Creature as superior to
> Man as Man is to the Apes (next down on the scale of
> Evolution).
Ferret Boy: [horrified] B-b-b-b-but! If they are succeeded by
something superior to them, we stand no chance! Last time you
tricked them into destroying Knowledgius! If they are replaced
by, say, someone as smart as you, Iguana of Redness, we stand
no chance!
Tim: |
Oh, I think we are safe. I doubt they would
->evolve<- into something like our hero.
|
[A few more drops of sarcasm destroy what little color was
left in the carpet].
Ferret Boy: [thinking it over and missing the point of the remark]
Well, yes, I guess you are right! Publius is to Man far superior
than Man is to the Apes.
> So - as Nietzsche put - their duty is to prepare
> the World for the coming of the 'Superman'.
Ferret Boy: [brightly] Really? You think Superman will come
to help us? I've always wanted to meet him!
Tim: |
Here's a clue for you, Ferret Boy. Superman
doesn't exist. He never did. He is a piece
of fiction. ->And<- he died.
|
Ferret Boy: Shows how much ->you<- know! He came back! He
hadn't died after all! He only went into a comma, and...
[Ferret's Boy summary of recent events in Superman comics is
interrupted by Publius]
> Surely
> they do not think they are the ebb of that great
> tide of Evolution?
> PUBLIUS
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
Ferret Boy: [jumping next to Publius and shouting into the microphone]
HA! And another HA!
Ferret Boy: [to himself] I knew those talks with Booby would help me
come up with indisputable arguments!
[What will the WACSDAAG forces do? Will I keep using that horrible
abbreviation? Will Knowledgius ever appear again in this series, which
is named after him? Will Publius be able to defeat the Atheist forces??
Will I keep up the even margins in Tim's speech? Find out whether
these questions are answered by reading the next exciting episode
of Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius!]
======================================================================
"It's not denial. I'm just very selective about
what I accept as reality."
--- Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes")
======================================================================
Arturo Magidin
magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu
magidin@math.berkeley.edu
Ferret Boy: Hey! What happened to the carpet?
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