Red Iguana Noon: Wrath of Knowledgius
Chapter 20: My 'Spell' Is All Inclusive.
From magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu
Subject: Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius, Chapter 20
Date: 10 Aug 1994 21:49:21 GMT
Message-ID: <32bi11$13l@agate.berkeley.edu>
[We join the action to see the first arrivals of the
Vile Atheist Scientists For a Better Tomorrow Society arriving
at the scene of the momentous confrontation between the
WACSDAAG forces, led by an angry Stacy Prowell, and the
Pube Fort, manned by the indomitable, and unintelligible,
Red Iguana and his companion and Super-hero Sidekick,
Ferret Boy.]
Jason McBryer: Well, we're here. Where is everyone else?
Dave Batchelor: [holding the Galactic Plot Device] I'm here.
I can see Mark McCoullough, Nick Noon and Paul King driving here
in the distance there.. [he points to the road leading from the
South into the unprotected flank of the Pube Fort]
[Jason puts a hand over his eyes and peers in that direction.]
[After a few minutes the car approaches. Aboard are, indeed,
Mark, Nick and Paul]
Mark: So, any signs of ... ->her<-?
Jason: [shakes his head] Not yet. But I'm sure ->she<-'ll be
here before this chapter is over.
[Meanwhile, a figure climbs the tallest building of the Pube Fort,
facing North at the congregated WACSDAAG forces. The WACSDAAG
forces have just been on the receiving end of a terrifiying and
mind-numbing spell hurled at them by Publius]
Dan Johnson: Wait, I thought the spell was something about...
about... Thinking of someone when we write something....
[Ehr, I guess you are right. The WACSDAAG forces have just been
on the receiving end of a pathetic and ineffectual spell hurled at them
by the Mighty Red Iguana... Who doubtless has something terrifiying and
mind numbing coming their way!]
[At the top of the building stands the loyal Ferret Boy]
Ferret Boy: All hail Publius the Mighty Red Iguana!
Sorcerer of Sorcerers! Magician of Magicians! Warlock Extraordinaire!
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you ... [dramatic pause]
PUBLIUS!
[A figure starts climbing atop the building. He is wearing a crimsom
red Iguana Suit, but the head of the disguise has been modified to
allow for a flowing deep blue cape with bright yellow starts, and
a matching pointed hat.]
[He reaches the top, and gestures grandly at his handiwork]
Clark Adams: [shouts] Red Iguana! Will there be anything else
today? It looks like we all made our saving throw vs. spell
for the last one!
[Everyone laughs... except for the Red Iguana and the Ferret Boy]
[Publius raises a hand, asking for silence. When the WACSDAAG forces
have toned down their laughs to chuckles, he explains]
In article <31k1kt$78v@tequesta.gate.net>,
Publius <publius@gate.net> wrote:
>
> My 'spell' is all-inclusive.
Tony Lawrence: What spell was that? Did it include me?
> You will still think 'Christ'
> and pay homage to the 'Son of God' no matter where you look
> in 'this point in time'.
Tony: [thinks for a few seconds, contemplates the heavens, and
says] 'Fraid not. All that comes to mind when you say Christ are
the words 'Make', 'Buddy' and 'Believe', but not necessarily
in that order. And what I think when I think of you starts with
an 'i' and ends in 'diot'.
[On the other side of the Pube Fort...]
Paul King: Oh, Tony. By now you should know that you cannot
convince the Mighty Red Iguana with Mere Facts.
[Back at the top of the Pube Fort...]
Ferret Boy: Pay no heed, oh Mighty Iguana! They will learn soon
enough that no one, least of all an atheist, can defy... [dramatic
pause]
> PUBLIUS
Ferret Boy: Exactly! Spell that, you dirty atheist!
WACSDAAG forces, in unison: P - U - B - L - I - U - S.
Ferret Boy: [turns a shade of crimsom close to that of his
master's costume] Oh, so you can spell, huh?
[He is interrupted by the aforementioned master, who motions
him down. They disappear from the top of the building.]
[Meanwhile, at the other side of the Pube Fort, Jason is
eyeing his watch impatiently]
Jason: I don't think we can wait any longer. If ->she<- isn't
here in 10 seconds, we will have to start without her.
[9 seconds later]
[They hear a voice]
Voice: Well, here I am. Why was I called?
[Who is the mysterious voice? Who is the mysterious ->she<-?
What are her powers or attributes? Will Publius cast
other spells? Where are the Holy IPUers and why didn't they
appear in this episode? And where is Knowledgius Objectivus,
Vile Atheist God? For some of the answers to some questions,
although not necessarily those above, don't miss the next
episode of Red Iguana Noon:The Wrath of Knowledgius]
======================================================================
"It's not denial. I'm just very selective about
what I accept as reality."
--- Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes")
======================================================================
Arturo Magidin
magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu
magidin@math.berkeley.edu
[We see Knowledgius Objectivus in his kitchen preparing a
ham-salami-and-swiss sandwich.
He is now spreading the
butter on the recently toasted bread, and is in the process
of...]
Knowledgius: Hey! I'm on my lunch break here! Scat! Now!
[NO CARRIER]
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