Red Iguana Noon: Wrath of Knowledgius
Chapter 5: Crazier and Crazier.
From magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu
Subject: Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius, Chapter 5.
Date: 5 Apr 1994 05:15:30 GMT
Message-ID: <2nqs5i$kf2@agate.berkeley.edu>
[We come back to find the scene partially obscured by the body
of Vile Atheist God Knowledgius Objectivus, menacingly advancing
on our Hero, Watcher of Star Trek, Defender of Life, Publius the
Red Iguana, and his companion Ferret Boy]
[Knowledgius continues her/its/his advance, thus getting away from the
camera and allowing us to see]
Ferret Boy: Quickly, Red Iguana! You go left and I'll go right!
We'll surround him!
Knowledgius: Give up, Lizard!
[Publius turns right and collides with the confused Ferret Boy
who also turned in the wrong direction]
Knowledgius: Ha! If you had an idea, Rodent Tyke, it would
die of loneliness!
[Ferret Boy and Publius finally manage to separate. Publius runs
to his desk and fumbles with his keys trying to unlock the drawer
where he keeps the weapons. Meanwhile, Knowledgius decides to
go for Ferret Boy]
Ferret Boy: Get back, you Damnable Corrupter!
[Knowledgius says nothing, but with merely a gesture of its
Godly fingers, it causes a thought to appear in Ferret Boy's
mind, thus momentarily paralyzing him]
<snap!>
Knowledgius: I have you now, Rodent Tyke! I will slowly torture
you to death before dealing with your lizard hero.
Ferret Boy: This isn't fair! Publius is your arch-enemy!
You should go after him before going after me!
[Publius is still fumbling with the keys at this particular
moment, so he fails to notice the Not So Faithful comment
his Ever-Faithful sidekick has just uttered.]
Knowledgius: Life isn't fair, Rodent. If it were, things like
this wouldn't happen, would they? [Knowledgius kicks Ferret
Boy twice on the stomach and once a little lower, causing
great shouts to issue forth from the mouth of our little friend]
Ferret Boy: OOOOUCH! AAAAAAAAARGH! EEEEEEEEEEEE!
Ferret Boy: [in a falsetto] Stop it, you Corrupter of the Vector
of Society!
[Publius has meanwhile finally managed to open the drawer in his
desk. He takes out a Cosmic Plot Device which the author has
stolen from the Legion of Net.Heroes stories, and aims it at
Knowledgius]
[Knowledgius, who is not about to be taken down just yet, turns
around to reveal a sneer in its/her/his face, and says]
Knowledgius: If you fire that Plot Device I will just disappear,
and you will destroy your little sidekick!
[Publius seems unconcerned and presses the trigger of the CPD]
[Knowledgius, true to his/her/its word, disappears just before the ray
of pure light touches him/her/it. The ray hits the helpless Ferret Boy!]
<BOOOOOOOM!>
[Who is completely unharmed!]
Ferret Boy: Great plan, O Great Red Iguana of Religiosity! The
Pure Light of Religious Thought issuing from the Cosmic Plot
Device can't harm someone who can Think Proper Thoughts. It would
have turned Knowledgius into a babbling maniac, though.
In article <2n80s4$16it@inca.gate.net>, Publius <publius@inca.gate.net> wrote:
>
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
> The Ancients had a saying:" Those whom the Gods wish
> to destroy, they first make Mad."
>
Ferret Boy: Well, you are Damn Right I'm Mad! First he takes me
prisoner, threatens to push a couple of horses into my ears,
steals ideas from George Lucas, and then shows up here and kicks
the Living God out of me!
> You have to admit - you're getting crazier and crazier.
>
Ferret Boy: Who, me? Are you kidding? Who do you think you are!?
> PUBLIUS
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
[Ferret Boy realizes he has snapped at the Great One, He Who Knows
What is Best for Everyone Else, Poster of No Reply! He cups his face
into his hands and starts sobbing.]
Ferret Boy: <sob!> O Great Iguana of Redness! <sob!> Can you ever
forgive me? <sob!sob!> I'm sorry I lost my t- <sob!> -temper!
It was all Knowledgius's fault! <sob!>
[Publius shrugs and motions his Faithful Companion to forget it]
[Ferret Boy immediately brightens and starts jumping up
and down and around his Protector and Hero once again]
Ferret Boy: Thank you! Thank you! It won't happen again,
really it won't! I guess this means his plan for using
me to destroy you has failed... Can you excuse me a minute,
Red Iguana?
[Publius looks inquiringly at his Loving Companion]
Ferret Boy: I have to mail something to somebody... You wouldn't
happen to have an envelope in which I could put a videotape,
do you?
[What has just happened? Was this the Plan of the Evil Knowledgius?
What about the 'Game of Gods' mentioned during the intructions?
Will The Red Iguana mention Star Trek again? Don't miss the
next exciting episode of...]
[Red Iguana Noon:The Wrath of Knowledgius!]
======================================================================
"It's not denial. I'm just very selective about
what I accept as reality."
--- Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes")
======================================================================
Arturo Magidin
magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu
magidin@math.berkeley.edu
Red Iguana Noon Prev Next