From magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu Subject: Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius Chapter 9 Date: 14 Apr 1994 05:58:47 GMT Message-ID: <2oim2n$g67@agate.berkeley.edu> [When last we saw our hero and his Not-Quite-Loyal sidekick, Ferret Boy, Ferret Boy was trying to bargain with the forces of WACSDAAG (World Atheist Conspiracy to Spread the Disease of Atheism Across the Globe) that Arch-Atheist Stacy Prowell led to place a siege on the Pube Fort.] [Stacy Prowell] Look, I want the Iguana's hide, and I want it now. If it makes it any easier, imagine Stryder here has an Uzi pointed at your window. [Ferret Boy] But... But he ->has<- an Uzi, and it ->is<- pointed at my window! [Stryder] Then it shouldn't tax your imagination too much! [Ferret Boy] Listen, I'll be back. This sort of decisions are really beyond me. I have to consult with the Mighty Wearer of The Red Iguana Suit. [Stacy] Fine, but don't think I'll wait here for too long. [Ferret Boy runs back into the office of Publius, Poster of Few Replies, The No-Quoter, Red Iguana. In the office is Tim "Nameless Red Shirt" Lehnerer, an envoy of the Vile Atheist God Knowledgius Objectivus, who is trying to take revenge on Publius for making his/her/its atheists minions throw a FAQ at him and send him to a Half-Way House for Things Conceived But That Never Existed.] [Ferret Boy] O Iguana of Redness! The Atheists are demanding to see you! [Tim] What's the matter? What did the Wise Iguana do to them? [A drop of sarcasm falls from the word 'Wise' and makes another nasty stain on the carpet in Publius' office. Our Hero and His Sidekick don't notice.] [Ferret Boy] Oh, I think he called the Arch-Atheist 'stupid' or something like that. [Publius nods, and goes to the microphone that allows him to preac... ehr, speak to the WACSDAAG forces waiting outside.] In article <2nkmfk$isf@inca.gate.net>, Publius wrote: > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > The Atheists pride themselves on being expert > logicians. [Dan Johnson] It's the Iguana! [WACSDAAG Forces, in chorus] It's the Iguana! It's the Iguana! [Dan Johnson] Come out now and meet your doom in the hands of the Autonomous "We Think for Ourselves" Men of The Isle of Logis! [WACSDAAG Forces, blankly, in chorus] Come out now and meet your doom! Come out now and meet your doom! [Dan] Face thousands of individuals as they tear apart your arguments! Come out and let us see you face to face, Red Iguana! [WACSDAAG Forces] We're all individuals! Come out and face us! We're all individuals! We're all individuals! [Arturo Magidin] Ehr, I'm not! [WACSDAAG Forces] Shhhh! [Stacy] Enough set-up for a lousy Monty Python joke. Red Iguana. Do you know why we are here? > So I am surprised they haven't come up > with the obvious reason - Atheist reason - for why > they are here: [Stacy] No, you idiot, ->we<- know why we are here! We are here because we think for ourselves, and we have all decided that ->I<- want your hide for calling me stupid! > Logically, [Dan] Well, of course logically. If you knew what you were getting into when you called Stacy that, you wouldn't have dared. [Ferret Boy has been listening to the exchange and gives a worried look to his Great Hero] [Ferret Boy] O Iguana of Life Oriented Religions! What can we do? Do you have a plan? > developing on the Darwinian concept of > Evolution, [Tim] I doubt the Atheists out there will give you time to evolve into some thing that can come up with a plan. Evolution takes a while, you know... [Ferret Boy] Tim is right, Red Iguana! What do you think the atheists (hack, hack, coff, coff) will do while we come up with a defense? > they have to conclude that in due course > Man will be succeeded by a Creature as superior to > Man as Man is to the Apes (next down on the scale of > Evolution). [Ferret Boy, horrified] B-b-b-b-but! If they are succeeded by something superior to them, we stand no chance! Last time you tricked them into destroying Knowledgius! If they are replaced by, say, someone as smart as you, Iguana of Redness, we stand no chance! [Tim] Oh, I think we are safe. I doubt they would ->evolve<- into something like our hero. [A few more drops of sarcasm destroy what little color was left in the carpet]. [Ferret Boy, thinking it over and missing the point of the remark] Well, yes, I guess you are right! Publius is to Man far superior than Man is to the Apes. > So - as Nietzsche put - their duty is to prepare > the World for the coming of the 'Superman'. [Ferret Boy, brightly] Really? You think Superman will come to help us? I've always wanted to meet him! [Tim] Here's a clue for you, Ferret Boy. Superman doesn't exists. He never was. He is a piece of fiction. ->And<- he died. [Ferret Boy] Shows how much ->you<- know! He came back! He hadn't died after all! He only went into a comma, and... [Ferret's Boy summary of recent events in Superman comics is interrupted by Publius] > Surely > they do not think they are the ebb of that great > tide of Evolution? > PUBLIUS > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > [Ferret Boy jumps next to Publius and shouts into the microphone] HA! And another HA! [Ferret Boy, to himself] I knew those talks with Booby would help me come up with indisputable arguments! [What will the WACSDAAG forces do? Will I keep using that horrible abbreviation? Will Knowledgius ever appear again in this series, which is named after him? Will Publius be able to defeat the Atheist forces?? Will I keep up the even margins in Tim's speech? Find out whether this questions are answered by reading the next exciting episode of Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius!] ====================================================================== "It's not denial. I'm just very selective about what I accept as reality." --- Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes") ====================================================================== Arturo Magidin magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu magidin@math.berkeley.edu [Ferret Boy] Hey! What happened to the carpet?