From magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu Subject: Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius, Chapter 5. Date: 5 Apr 1994 05:15:30 GMT Message-ID: <2nqs5i$kf2@agate.berkeley.edu> [We come back to find the scene partially obscured by the body of Vile Atheist God Knowledgius Objectivus, menacingly advancing on our Hero, Watcher of Star Trek, Defender of Life, Publius the Red Iguana, and his companion Ferret Boy] [Knowledgius continues her/its/his advance, thus getting away from the camera and allowing us to see] [Ferret Boy] Quickly, Red Iguana! You go left and I'll go right! We'll surround him! [Knowledgius] Give up, Lizard! [Publius turns right and collides with the confused Ferret Boy who also turned in the wrong direction] [Knowledgius] Ha! If you had an idea, Rodent Tyke, it would die of loneliness! [Ferret Boy and Publius finally manage to separate. Publius runs to his desk and fumbles with his keys trying to unlock the drawer where he keeps the weapons. Meanwhile, Knowledgius decides to go for Ferret Boy] [Ferret Boy] Get back, you Damnable Corrupter! [Knowledgius says nothing, but with merely a gesture of its Godly fingers, it causes a thought to appear in Ferret Boy's mind, thus momentarily paralyzing him] [Knowledgius] I have you now, Rodent Tyke! I will slowly torture you to death before dealing with your lizard hero. [Ferret Boy] This isn't fair! Publius is your arch-enemy! You should go after *him* before going after me! [Publius is still fumbling with the keys at this particular moment, so he fails to notice the Not So Faithful comment his Ever-Faithful sidekick has just uttered.] [Knowledgius] Life isn't fair, Rodent. If it were, things like *this* wouldn't happen, would they? [Knowledgius kicks Ferret Boy twice on the stomach and once a little lower, causing great shouts to issue forth from the mouth of our little friend] [Ferret Boy] OOOOUCH! AAAAAAAAARGH! EEEEEEEEEEEE! [Ferret Boy, in a falsetto] Stop it, you Corrupter of the Vector of Society! [Publius has meanwhile finally managed to open the drawer in his desk. He takes out a Cosmic Plot Device which the author has stolen from the Legion of Net.Heroes stories, and aims it at Knowledgius] [Knowledgius, who is not about to be taken down just yet, turns around to reveal a sneer in its/her/his face, and says] [Knowledgius] If you fire that Plot Device I will just disappear, and you will destroy your little sidekick! [Publius seems unconcerned and presses the trigger of the CPD] [Knowledgius, true to his/her/its word, disappears just before the ray of pure light touches him/her/it. The ray hits the helpless Ferret Boy!] [Who is completely unharmed!] [Ferret Boy] Great plan, O Great Red Iguana of Religiosity! The Pure Light of Religious Thought issuing from the Cosmic Plot Device can't harm someone who can Think Proper Thoughts. It would have turned Knowledgius into a babbling maniac, though. In article <2n80s4$16it@inca.gate.net>, Publius wrote: > > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > > The Ancients had a saying:" Those whom the Gods wish > to destroy, they first make Mad." > [Ferret Boy] Well, you are Damn Right I'm Mad! First he takes me prisoner, threatens to push a couple of horses into my ears, steals ideas from George Lucas, and then shows up here and kicks the Living God out of me! > You have to admit - you're getting crazier and crazier. > [Ferret Boy] Who, me? Are you kidding? Who do you think you are!? > PUBLIUS > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > [Ferret Boy realizes he has snapped at the Great One, He Who Knows What is Best for Everyone Else, Poster of No Reply! He cups his face into his hands and starts sobbing.] [Ferret Boy] O Great Iguana of Redness! Can you ever forgive me? I'm sorry I lost my t- -temper! It was all Knowledgius fault! [Publius shrugs and motions his Faithful Companion to forget it] [Ferret Boy immediately brightens and starts jumping up and down and around his Protector and Hero once again] [Ferret Boy] Thank you! Thank you! It won't happen again, really it won't! I guess this means his plan for using me to destroy you has failed... Can you excuse me a minute, Red Iguana? [Publius looks inquiringly at his Loving Companion] [Ferret Boy] I have to mail something to somebody... You wouldn't happen to have an envelope in which I could put a videotape, do you? [What has just happened? Was this the Plan of the Evil Knowledgius? What about the 'Game of Gods' mentioned during the intructions? Will The Red Iguana mention Star Trek again? Don't miss the next exciting episode of...] [Red Iguana Noon:The Wrath of Knowledgius!] ====================================================================== "It's not denial. I'm just very selective about what I accept as reality." --- Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes") ====================================================================== Arturo Magidin magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu magidin@math.berkeley.edu